


Sweet revenge

by Burningcities



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: A lot - Freeform, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Fake Dating, Fake/Pretend Relationship, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Getting Together, How Do I Tag, I think?, Like, M/M, Revenge, Slow Burn, SnowBaz, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-13
Updated: 2019-12-22
Packaged: 2020-05-07 09:34:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 11,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19206694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Burningcities/pseuds/Burningcities
Summary: I think I might have the perfect plan. I look at the paper in front of me, satisfied with my work.It’ll be difficult to pull this off, since it requires me befriending Baz, but once it works, it’ll be glorious.//OR: Agatha broke up with Simon because of Baz, and simon starts to date Baz so he can hurt him the same way. Little does Simon know his feelings aren't what he thinks they are.





	1. This is where it starts

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so a little while back i saw this movie which inspired me to write this, but i forgot what it was called. it was about a woman with a radioshow and a book about love, and she was the reason a girl broke up with her boyfriend. this guy takes revenge by restistering himself and the writer as married. long story short, they fall in love. i really like those kind of regret movies, like how to lose a guy in 10 days, so i thought i'd write a story that is veeeeeery losely based on that concept. this is mostly to beat writer's block so sorry for this.  
> Anyways enjoy!

Simon  
‘Simon, I can’t do this anymore.’

I look deep into Agatha’s tired eyes, desperately looking for doubt, for anything that can convince me she doesn’t actually mean this. 

‘Aggie, please, you can’t do this. I love you,’ I hear the strain in my voice, but I keep talking anyways. She can’t walk away from me. She’s the one who’s supposed to be there for me. 

‘I don’t want to be your happy ending Simon. I can’t do this. I… I don’t love you anymore.’

That feels like a slap in the face and I see that she’s sorry for speaking the words so harshly, but she doesn’t take them back. I look down the ramparts, wondering for a brief moment what would happen if I jump. It’s an exaggeration to the situation, really. Of course I won’t. I mean, I kinda knew she didn’t completely love me the way she used to. But I want to work this out. I know we can learn to feel that way again. She’s my future, except now she’s not. Not anymore. 

‘Aggie…’ I say, though I have no idea how I want to finish that sentence. 

‘Is it Baz?’ I don’t mean for those words to follow, but it’s too late to take them back. 

I see a flash of something in her eyes before her face closes off.

‘Of course you would find a way to drag Baz into this. Goodbye Simon.’ 

She starts to walk away, and I try to call after her, but I know I screwed up. I shouldn’t have said that, even though I’m fairly certain she’s into my vampire roommate.

I don’t know how I stand here on the ramparts. Every time I close my eyes, I see the way the wind swept her hair around, the way her piercing blue eyes were filled with some sort of pity, right until they hardened. The way her voice sounded when she said those last words, Goodbye Simon. Cold and final.

After either minutes or hours, the sun starts to set and I make my way back over to my room. When I open the door, Baz isn’t here. Probably hunting or plotting my downfall. Bloody brooding vampire. 

It’s probably a good thing he’s not around though, because I’m starting to get more and more certain Agatha blew things off with me because of him, and I don’t know what I would do if he was actually here. Probably something the Anathema would have to kick in for. 

I flop down onto my bed, burying my face into my pillow and letting out a long, low growl. 

It’ll be fine, I tell myself. I’ll find a way to fix things with Agatha over time. I’ll have my happy ending. If I don’t, all of this Chosen One crap will be for nothing. Fighting the Humdrum will be for nothing. 

I shake my head to get rid of these thoughts, because they aren’t helping me, and they are bullocks either way. Of course it’s worth something if it means saving the Magick world.  
After wallowing in a pit of self-pity for what feels like hours, I must’ve fallen asleep, because when I open my eyes again the sun is up again. 

Almost as a habit, I look over to Baz’s side of the room. His bed is empty and doesn’t look slept in, so he either made it after waking up (the prick), or didn’t come back to our room at all. It would’ve been good riddance, if he wasn’t plotting my death somewhere. 

I get myself out of bed, pulling a ratty old jumper over my head before making my way downstairs for breakfast. 

It’s Sunday, so we don’t have to wear our uniforms today. Even though it’s really not that early anymore, most students opt for sleeping in, so most of the dining hall is empty. I make my way over to Penny without really looking around. As soon as she spots me she stares at me with wide eyes. 

‘Hey Pen, what’s up?’ I sit down across from her, raking a hand through my hair to make sure it isn’t sticking up in a funny way (or any funnier than usual).  
However, Penny points past me, indicating it’s not my hair I have to worry about.

‘What happened between you and Agatha?’ she asks, continuing to stare to the point behind me. 

‘We broke up,’ I mumble quietly, though I know she can hear me. I turn to look what has Penny so shocked, only to stop dead in my tracks, feeling like my blood is freezing.  
Agatha is sitting next to Baz. 

I feel my magick close to the surface, threatening to spill over. They must feel it too, because Baz turns around to send a little smirk my way, before turning back and leaning closer to whisper something in Agatha’s ear.

Agatha is pointedly not looking at me, so I can’t see whether or not she feels guilty, or regretful, or… something. She can’t be serious about this. She knows how dangerous Baz is. He’s planning on killing me, for Crowley’s sake. 

Penny is pulling my arm, and only now I realize I’m standing, though I don’t remember getting up. 

‘Si, calm down,’ she hisses at me. I know she’s trying to help me, but I shake her off anyway.

‘I’m fine, Pen,’ I say through gritted teeth, ‘just not very hungry. 

I storm out of the dining hall, glad there aren’t many people there to witness my dramatic departure. I hurry back to the room, forcing my magick down and swallowing around the lump in my throat. I will not cry over this. That’s what Baz wants. I don’t know if he actually likes Aggie or not, but messing with me is a nice extra for him either way. 

I have a hard time controlling my magick. For a second I’m tempted to go of in our room, destroying it just to spite him. I don’t entertain that thought very long though, I know it’s insensible.

The need for some kind of justice doesn’t leave me though. I start thinking about some kind of revenge plan. I grab a few sheets of paper and start writing down everything that comes to mind. He stole my girlfriend, made her break up with me just for his own entertainment. Though he might be kind of into her, there’s no way I believe he actually cares for her, or that she’s anything more than just a pawn in his plot to end me. 

Well, I’ll show him how it feels to loose someone you care about. (that sounds like I’m gonna murder someone; I’m not)

I think I might have the perfect plan. I look at the paper in front of me, satisfied with my work.

It’ll be difficult to pull this off, since it requires me befriending Baz, but once it works, it’ll be glorious. 

I just want him to know what it feels like to lose someone that important. And though I can’t make him fall in love with me, I can be his friend. And losing a friend can be just as bad as losing your girlfriend.


	2. Plans set in motion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon sets his plan in motion, and it actually seems to work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i just realized i literally planned nothing about this story. i only have a vague concept, but i'm just gonna roll with it. Honestly, this is mostly to beat writer's block, and to procastinate everything i have to do for school and such.

Baz

 

I have honestly no idea why Wellbelove sits down next to me at breakfast. I assume she and Snow got into a fight, maybe even broke up. I try not to get my hopes up, but that’s hard when my speculations get confirmed by the way Snow’s magick burns when he sees her next to me.

I turn around to throw a mocking grin over my shoulder, which is enough to get him on edge. 

‘What happened between you and Snow?’ I ask Wellbelove quietly, trying to keep the hiss from my tone. I haven’t decided yet whether or not I should keep this façade up with her now that she and Snow are evidently over. 

‘I broke it off.’ She says as she flips her hair over her shoulder, though she does have the sense to look a little sad. 

I have to force myself to send her a small grin, when all I want to do is yell at her for being so stupid. She has Snow in the way I’ll always want him, and she has the audacity to throw it all away. It almost feels like a personal insult.

The door to the dining hall slams shut, and when I turn around, I see that Bunce is now alone, Snow’s full plate still across from her, in front of an empty chair. 

I sigh inwardly, knowing that he’ll find a way to blame his breakup on me. He probably thinks it’s part of some elaborate plot to cross him. 

The truth is, this isn’t really what I wanted. Well, I mean, I’ll always want Snow to be single, only if it means I won’t have to be jealous of whatever golden girl he’s infatuated with. However, when I flirted with Agatha, it was more to get under Snow’s skin than anything.

I can see how it might be partially my fault they broke up, though. 

I excuse myself from Wellbelove, leaving her with Dev and Niall as I make my way to the catacombs. I don’t really need to hunt, since I did so last night, but I want to avoid the room as long as possible. 

I know I have to face him some time, though, so a few rats later I make my way to Mummers house. I’m tempted to drag my feet, making the walk up the stairs last longer, but I’m not Snow. 

When I open the door, Simon is sitting on his bed with his back against the headboard. He was writing something on a piece of paper, but as soon as the door creaks he looks up at me, and he smiles. He fucking smiles. Crowley, it’s the best and the worst thing that’s ever happened to me. The best because he looks absolutely radiant, as beautiful as ever, and I could stare at him forever. The worst thing, because when he’s looking at me like that I have a hard time convincing myself we’re not friends and it’s so tempting to just walk over and kiss him. 

‘Snow,’ I say, and it comes out less cold than I wanted it to, because his smiling caught me off guard. I was so sure he would try to fight me.   
‘Hey Baz.’ Why is he still smiling?

‘What happened with you and Wellbelove?’ She already told me, but I need him to go back to normal, so I hope bringing this up will remind him to be angry with me.   
‘Oh, we broke up last night?’ It sounds like a question, and it shouldn’t be as fucking adorable as it is. 

I want to sneer, or insult him. Push him to the edge and beyond. But his smile hasn’t faltered, and he actually looks happy to see me. he’s probably just in denial right now, but I’m still too weak to push him to tears. 

‘I’m… sorry?’ I feel as inarticulate as Snow, but I can’t bring myself to care when his smile only brightens. 

‘It’s not your fault. I mean, unless it was a part of some incredibly complicated plan to take me down.’ It’s not unusual for him to complain about me plotting, but the way he says it now isn’t like any of those accusations. It almost sounds… teasing. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think he was the one who was plotting.

‘It wasn’t.’ I say curtly. I have no idea how I should act. How does one react when their arch nemesis, the one they’re hopelessly in love with, actually tries to be friendly.

‘Well, at least now you’ll definitely have a shot with her.’ He shifts on the bed so he’s lying on his back, but he’s looking at me from the corners of his eyes. 

‘I’m not going after her, Snow,’ I sigh. Why doesn’t any of this bother him? Maybe he’s…   
No. I refuse to give myself false hope by speculating about Snow’s sexuality, much less who holds his affections. Maybe he didn’t love Wellbelove anymore, maybe he’d been waiting for an out of their relationship. That’s probably it. That has to be it. 

‘Okay, suit yourself.’ He’s staring up at the ceiling now, and I let out a silent breath when his piercing blue stare finally leaves me. 

‘You don’t seem that upset by this turn of events,’ I say carefully, trying to convince myself I’m saying it because I’m weirded out by how nice he’s being. I’m not fooling myself; I know I simply want to keep talking to him like this. 

‘Yeah, I think I kind of saw it coming, if that makes sense? I mean, even I am not oblivious enough to miss the way she looked at you.’ He shrugs, like it’s no big deal, but it still makes me feel guilty for some reason. 

I don’t say anything, because honestly I just want to tell him I didn’t mean for them to break up, and there’s no way I can just be that nice with him without it having any consequences. I need to figure out what he’s getting at with his friendly conversation, then I can decide what to do. 

He looks over at me again, that kind smile appearing again. 

‘I don’t blame you, Baz. It doesn’t really matter anymore.’ 

Crowley, I think he might actually be telling the truth. That, or he’s just a really good actor. No, Snow isn’t cunning enough for this to be part of a plan. 

‘Why are you nice to me?’ I sneer, I can’t help it. 

He looks back up to the ceiling, a little wrinkle appearing between his eyebrows when he frowns. 

‘Because I’m kind of tired of hating you. I only did so because you were a git, and because it was what people expected from me. But now I actually think you’re not that bad. I mean, you’re still an arse, but at least you haven’t tried to kill me since the chimera. That’s gotta count for something, right?’ he’s grinning now. 

‘Right…’ I say, weighing my options. I could tell him to sod off, making sure this confusing might-be-friendship thing goes away and we can go back to sneering and hating each other. 

But Snow is presenting one of my biggest dreams (or at least part of it) on a silver platter, and I’d be a fool to turn this down. So I sit down at my desk, my back to him so I don’t have to look at him when I say what I wanted to say.

‘Snow, just so you know, I didn’t mean to break you two up. I didn’t know she was going to do that, or else I wouldn’t have interfered as much.’ 

I hear his sheets rustle as he sits up, and it takes all my self-control not to turn around to look at him. 

‘Thanks for saying that, Baz.’ He sounds so surprised, it’s kind of adorable. 

‘of course, Snow.’

‘… Can I ask you something?’

‘Sure, what is it?’ 

‘Why are you being nice to me?’

‘Honestly? The same reasons you had for being nice to me. I’m tired of constantly sneering and being mean. Believe it or not, it’s actually pretty exhausting to come up with witty remarks all the time.’ 

He snorts at that, and I roll my eyes, though a small smile tugs at the corner of my mouth. 

‘Does that mean we’re friends?’ He asks quietly. I finally turn around to look at him, and he looks so hopeful that I find myself nodding. 

‘Sure, we can try,’ I say, allowing a small smile. 

His whole face lights up, and that makes this all somehow worth it. 

‘Cool. I guess you start calling me Simon, then,’ he smirks, and I snort. 

‘Yeah, right. Keep on dreaming, Snow.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This sucks. i'm sorry. i need to sleep lmao.


	3. Late night talks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon wakes Baz up from a nightmare

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a pretty short chapter, but it's something i wanted to get out of the way. just some mild bonding of our favorite boys. this is written at 1 am without beta or reread as usual, so sorry if there are some mistakes.

Simon  
We’re both really struggling to adjust. It’s been four days since our conversation and the promise to try and be friends, and honestly, not much has changed. We still sit on opposite sides of the dining room, he still sits in front of me in all our shared classes, we still barely even talk. 

I’m starting to get impatient. I know I have to wait some time before it’ll hurt when I break our friendship off, but if things stay the way they are now, it’ll never have any effect.   
There are some small changes that give me hope, though. The way Baz holds the door when he sees me coming up the stairs, rather than slamming it in my face. The way he wakes me up when I overslept. He even makes an effort of not sneering all the time, and I find myself thinking about how his smile is actually quite nice. Objectively speaking, of course. 

If this were a natural progress with true intentions from both sides, I would accept the fact that it’ll take a while for us to get comfortable with each other, something most roommates have had seven years for. 

However, I have ulterior motives, and I’m pretty sure Baz is plotting against me from the way he agreed so easily, but that’s fine. I just need to make him see past his plots, show him he can trust me so I can break him like he broke me. 

Okay, maybe not entirely, that sounds so cruel. I just want him to know what it’s like to constantly lose. 

I’m pondering over all of this while I stare at his relaxed form only a few feet away from him. It’s past 3 am, and I know I should probably get some sleep if I want to be of any use tomorrow, but I keep trying to come up with ways to speed this process up. 

I’m just about to give up for now and turn around, when I hear a soft whimper coming from Baz’s side of the room. I squint my eyes, trying to see more than the general shape of him, but it’s really dark in the room and my eyes have trouble adjusting. If I were Baz, I would just cast a spell to light up the tip of my wand so I could see him, but I don’t want to set our room on fire accidentally, so I do the most insane thing I can come up with, which is getting out of bed, slowly dropping myself onto my knees in the narrow space between our beds. If he woke up right now, he would bite my head off, maybe even literally. 

I can see him shake with the effort of holding back his sobs, even though he’s sleeping with his back to me. I’m pretty sure he’s having a nightmare. I have a lot of those myself, so I know the pain they can bring. 

And I know he has enough trauma to last him a lifetime. I mean, I don’t have to be close with him to know his mom was killed in the vampire attack here at Watford all those years ago. She was the headmistress, so that kind of news is hard to miss. 

I stare at Baz’s whimpering form for a few moments longer, quietly contemplating whether I should just go back to bed and pretend I never saw this, but this is the perfect way for me to get closer to Baz.

So I reach out, tentatively placing my hand between his shoulders. 

‘Baz, wake up,’ I whisper. 

Usually in books they have to say someone’s name multiple time, but along with my touch, Baz jolts awake, sitting up and turning towards me in one swift motion. 

‘Snow, what are you doing?’ he tries to sneer, but his voice is weak and tears shine in his eyes. 

‘Come on, Baz, we’re past this.’ I say quietly, reaching out again to place a hand on his shoulder. ‘Are you okay?’

‘I’m fine.’ His voice sounds flat, but I cant tell he makes an effort not to sneer. 

‘No you’re not.’ I notice he’s not moving away from my hand, so I keep it as still as possible, hoping he won’t notice it and push me away. 

‘Why do you even ask if you’re just going to assume my answer for me?’ He sounds amused, but I know he’s just trying to distract me from his emotions. 

‘Do you wanna talk about it?’ I ask softly, ignoring his attempt at lightheartedness. 

‘No,’ he says abruptly, then sighs, dragging a hand over one side of his face. ‘No,’ he says again, a little friendlier this time. 

I nod, moving back to my own bed, when I feel his cold fingers encircle my wrist. 

‘Simon?’ 

My heart stops for a moment. ‘Yeah?’ 

‘Thank you. For waking me up.’ He smiles carefully at me, which is kind of amazing. 

‘any time,’ I answer his smile, getting under the covers and staring at his back when he turns around for a few seconds, before turning as well. 

‘Goodnight, Baz.’ 

‘Goodnight.’ 

I lay there for a few moments with a content feeling in my stomach, before I realize something that makes my heart stutter for a moment. (out of surprise, of course.)

Baz called me Simon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof, i'm sorry if that was bad. please let me know what you think of this, and if you have any prompts or things you want to request, here's my tumblr ;)
> 
> https://www.tumblr.com/blog/fallinginlovehurtslikehell


	4. Things are changing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey wanna hear something funny? i finished this chapter already, then my laptop crashed so i had to rewrite it from memory on my old, virus-infected laptop. ha. ha. ha. 
> 
> oh btw this is another filler/bonding chapter, but the next chapter will probably have some more fluff.

Baz 

When I wake up the next day, Snow is still asleep. I vaguely remember him waking me up from my nightmare and me calling him Simon, but honestly I was so sleepy that my memory of last night doesn’t really extend beyond that. I slowly get out of bed, grabbing a clean set of clothes and bringing them to the bathroom for when I’m done showering. I’m about to close the door, when I notice Snow is still asleep. He’s usually awake before me, but maybe he’s tired from last night. 

I stand there staring at his sleeping form for longer than I probably should, contemplating whether or not I should wake him up. This would be the second time since we started this whole friendship thing, which might be a lot, but then again, he did wake me up from trashing about when he could’ve easily left me to suffer. 

After a few more moments of thinking, I let out a low sigh, kneeling next to his bed to gently shake his arm. 

‘Snow, wake up, you’re gonna be late for breakfast.’ 

He immediately wakes up at the mention of his beloved meal and I need to supress the urge to roll my eyes fondly. 

‘Baz?’ he blinks up at me sleepily with his big, plain blue eyes. 

‘Yeah. Get ready if you want to be on time.’ I turn around so I don’t have to see his bare chest when he throws the blankets off. 

After locking the door to the bathroom, I take a few deep breaths to calm my heartbeat. I don’t know why it’s beating like that, I only barely touched his arm. I shake my head a couple of times to get my thoughts straight (as straight as they’ll get) and get in the shower. 

*** 

When I get back into the room after getting dressed, Snow is sitting on his bed, jumping to his feet as soon as I enter. 

I take in the sight of him, his messy curls, wrinkled shirt, crooked tie. He’s gorgeous. 

‘Baz!’ he says, eyes wide. 

‘Snow, why are you still here?’ I’d expected him to be in the dining hall by now. 

‘I… uhm… I was waiting for you! I thought we could maybe, I don’t know, walk together?’ I think he meant for it to sound like a simple statement, but it sounds more like a question. 

Like often happened the last few days, it strikes me how easy it would be for me to tell him no, to push him away and pretend nothing ever happened, making sure he hates me enough to never try again. 

But the way he looks at me from under his eyelashes, so damn hopeful and innocent, I can’t bring myself to break him like that. 

‘Yeah, sure, Snow,’ I tilt the corners of my mouth upwards slightly, and his answering smile is glorious. 

In all these years we’ve been roommates, we’ve never walked next to each other like this. Even though usually we have to go in the same direction, both of us made a show of avoiding each other if we could. 

But now, walking with Snow like this, him going on about an assignment for elocution that he’s struggling with, it feels like something I could get used to. I find myself agreeing to help him with the assignment after school today, a small smile stuck on my lips the entire walk to the dining hall. 

We split up when he goes to sit with Penny, and I join Dev and Naill. Wellbelove still sits with us occasionally, but it really doesn’t seem to bother Snow.

Snow makes a show of waiting for me after the classes we have together so we can walk to the next. I find myself really enjoying listening to his stories. Most of them don’t have any importance other than just being entertaining, but I like how his voice sounds, how the fact that he keeps tripping over his words doesn’t stop him from talking. 

Every fantasy I’ve had about Snow, was about us making out, or going further than that. I never would have guessed this was something I’d enjoy so much. I mean, I’d still rather kiss him, or hold his hand, but I’m content enough with this as an alternative, though it still hurts to know he’s not mine. 

Being friends is still better than nothing. 

The day goes by rather quickly like this, and before I know it, we’re back in our room, both of us sitting on the ground as I’m helping him with his Greek since he gave up on elocution a little while ago. 

He lets out a long sigh, leaning back against his bed. 

‘It just doesn’t make any sense. Most of it doesn’t even resemble English.’

‘That’s the point of it being another language, Snow,’ I say, raising an amused eyebrow at him.  
He lets out another sigh, looking up at me from under his eyelashes. 

‘let’s do something else.’ 

I want to protest, but we’ve been at this for quite a while, so maybe a break would be a good idea. 

‘What do you want to do?’ I ask, wary of the gleam in his eyes. 

‘Well, since we’re friends now, I think we should get to know each other better. And, I mean, I’ve been doing most of the talking all day, so I think it’s only fair if you start by telling me about you.’ 

I rake my hand through my hair, feeling suddenly kind of nervous. Maybe this is just a plot so he can reveal me as a vampire. Crowley that makes me sound just like Snow.  
Still careful, though, I ask: ‘what do you want to know?’ 

He’s still for a few moments, like he didn’t think this far ahead, but then he get an excited look about him.

‘What’s your favourite colour?’ he asks, grinning like he’s proud to have thought of a question like that. 

Part of me wants to snort and ask if that’s the best he can come up with, but most of me wants him to keep smiling like that.

‘Blue.’ I answer simply. 

‘Blue? What kind of blue?’ 

‘I don’t know, just plain blue,’ like you’re eyes, I don’t say. 

He seems to accept this with a nod. ‘I don’t really have a favourite. I mean, it changes every day. I guess green is kind of pretty. But so is yellow. Like butter!’ he smiles brightly. ‘I’m kind of hungry now. What time is it?’ 

‘not even nearly time of dinner.’ 

His nose wrinkles adorably, and I smile to myself, getting up to get the few apples and crackers I keep in my closet. 

His face lights up when he sees the food, leaning forwards and looking at me with a bright smile. 

‘Baz, you’re a genius. How did I never think about keeping food in the room?’ 

‘Probably because you already eat so much in the dining hall,’ I grin, handing him the food. 

‘Genius,’ he mutters again, under his breath this time, as he takes a bite of the apple. 

I smile fondly at him when I’m sure he’s not looking, feeling my heart flutter. Yeah, I could get used to this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, hi, hello. if you wanna send me any requests, prompts, or just talk to me, i have a tumblr ;)
> 
> https://www.tumblr.com/blog/fallinginlovehurtslikehell
> 
> also, please let me know what you think about this chapter!  
> hope you enjoyed, byeex


	5. Something changes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY SOMETHING IS HAPPENING   
> idk if this is any good, i'm too sleep deprived to think  
> kinda short, but i wanted to post something.

Simon

After we eat Baz’ food, he urges me to keep making homework like him, which we do in silence. After dinner, however, I refuse to touch another textbook. 

‘Then what do you wanna do, Snow?’ Baz sighs, closing his own book as well.

‘We can talk some more.’ During dinner I actually thought of some things I really wanted to know, rather than asking for his favourite food or something like that. 

‘Ask away,’ he says, probably aware of my thoughts, the bloody mastermind. 

I want to force myself to start with an only mildly intrusive question, but the one that leaves my mouth is the one I wonder about the most, which is of course also the most intense one. 

‘Why don’t you want to make a move on Agatha?’

He coughs violently for a few moments like he didn’t expect this question at all, which, okay, fair enough. After that he is silent for a while, like he’s contemplating whether or not to tell the truth. 

I stare at him with interest. He’s sitting on the ground across from me, leaning with his back against the frame of his bed. His hair falls slightly in his face, his products failing him after a long day. I don’t mind though, he looks nicer like this. Less like a black and white movie vampire.

Baz seems to have come to a decision. He lets out a soft sigh, locking eyes with me and raising an eyebrow in silent challenge. 

‘Because I’m gay.’ 

I stare at him for a moment. Then, I act without thinking, because that’s what I do best. If I’d think this through, I’d realise him being gay doesn’t equal him being into me, but I shut those thoughts out. 

I try to convince myself that this is all part of my plan when I lunge towards him, but honestly I was just thinking about how nice his hair looks and now all I want to do I run my hands through it.

So that’s what I do when I land basically on top of him, pressing my lips against his almost desperately. 

My thoughts are starting to catch up with my actions, and I think about how I’ve fucked this all up, but then I realise Baz is wrapping his arms around my back, pulling me closer against him as his lips move frantically against mine. I move my legs from under me so I’m in a more comfortable position, my knees on either side of Baz’s legs. 

I’m straddling Baz, kissing him, and it feels so damn good. 

He moves his hands under my shirt so they’re resting on the bare skin of the small of my back, and I let out an embarrassing sound somewhere deep in the back of my throat. He works his tongue into my mouth and it’s quite unbelievable that this is the first time he’s doing this. (I mean, I assume it is, but he’s so good). 

I sigh against his lips, pulling away slightly so I can trail kisses from his mouth, to his jaw, to his neck. He tilts his head to the side to grant me better access, and it feels like a confirmation that he really wants this. It feels bloody brilliant. 

‘Simon,’ he says, his voice shaky. I can’t believe I did that to him. 

I pull back slightly to look him in the eyes. ‘Yes?’ 

‘What… What is this? I mean, what does it mean?’ 

A small smile plays around my lips at the confusion in his voice, and I gently kiss the little frown between his eyebrows. 

‘Well, from the way you kissed me back, I’m gonna guess it means you feel the same way about me as I feel about you.’ 

His breath hitches at my words, and I grin. 

‘Is this what you want?’ I whisper, leaning in closer so my breath ghosts over his lips. 

His hands twitch against my back as he nods frantically, speechless for once. 

‘Good.’ I connect my lips with his again, pulling his hair slightly so his head tilts, giving me better access to his mouth. 

He lets out a shaky breath and it’s amazing. 

Maybe I can put of breaking him a little longer. I wasn’t too patient to wait on us getting close enough for it to hurt when I left him, but now I know that level of affection is save, I don’t see the rush in hurting him. I can put it off a little longer, especially if it means he’ll keep kissing me like this. 

I need to stop thinking about this now, so I do. I shut off my brain, simply enjoying the feeling of his hands moving up and down my back, of our teeth clashing and our bodies pressing together. 

I like him like this, under me, where I can control him. Maybe this isn’t so bad.

I’m not sure if this was part of the plan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi hi, please let me know what you think of this, if you wanna send me requests or just talk to me, i also have a tumblr:
> 
> https://www.tumblr.com/blog/fallinginlovehurtslikehell


	6. Adjusting slowly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon is Baz's terrible boyfriend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my dudes! I haven't posted in a while, because i decided to give up my summer break in favor of working fulltime. i'll try to keep updating, but it'll probably take a while because i don't have that much time or energy.  
> however, i hope you enjoy this!

**Baz**

The first thing that enters my mind when I wake up, is that last night was a dream. Then, when I open my eyes, I find Simon’s blue ones already on me. Always awaked before me.

‘Good morning,’ he whispers from his side of the bed, smiling lightly.

‘Good morning,’ I don’t know why I whisper back. It feels like a whisper-occasion.

He sits up and stretches his arms above his head, causing the blankets to fall down and reveal his bare chest. It takes me a moment to realise I’m allowed to stare openly now.

I smile to myself, getting out of bed to claim the bathroom. When I get back out, he’s sitting on his bed in his school uniform, just like yesterday.

When he jumps up and smiles at me, my heart jumps in my chest.

‘Wanna walk together again?’ he looks down at his feet, like he still thinks I’m going to deny him this after yesterday.

Yesterday. When we kissed until our mouths were sore, and he told me he was an awful boyfriend, but that he wanted to be _my_ awful boyfriend.

As an answer, I reached out to interlock my fingers with his, tugging him along down the stairs and to the dining hall. After a moment of hesitation at the entrance, Simon drags me along to the back corner of the hall, away from Dev and Nail, away from Penny.

I raise an eyebrow at him, but I don’t even care when he just shrugs without saying anything. Because Simon Snow is holding my hand in public, and he doesn’t even seem to think twice about it. 

He reluctantly lets go of my hand when he needs them both to shovel food onto his plate, but he makes sure to sit close to me when he sits back down, eating with one hand while he rests the other on my knee, a small grin forming onto his features when my breath hitched.

We spend the rest of the day much like the day before, only now, every time we walk together, one of us reaches out to the other.

I know everyone notices. They probably noticed us yesterday as well, but now the whispers around us intensify when they see us holding hands. Simon doesn’t seem to care, and I don’t either, not with the way he keeps clinging to me.

Wellbelove keeps on sending me sulking glares from a distance, but I can’t really bring myself to feel guilty about the way I let her on. I know I did, but she and Simon were never right for each other, and I know she knows, even though now she probably chooses to think I stole him from her. Like that’s likely, she’s the one who broke up with him.

When we get back to our room that after dinner, I plan on finishing my homework like I usually do, which works at first. Simon takes a shower as soon as we get back, and I settle on my bed with some of the assignments we got today.

But then Simon enters the room again, wearing no shirt and towelling his dripping hair.

I glance up at him, only to immediately look down at my books, feeling the tips of my ears flush. Of course I had to drink those bloody rats earlier today.

Simon notices it too, because I see him smirk from the corners of my eyes, walking over slowly until he’s standing right next to me.

I look up, trying very hard to focus on his face.

‘Close your books,’ he says.

I arch an eyebrow, trying to remain at least some of my cool indifference. ‘And why would I do that? Some of us actually want to do the assigned homework, Snow.’

He shakes his head. ‘No. Nope. If we’re going to do this thing between us, you gotta start calling me Simon.

I contemplate for a moment, then decide to go with it. I already started to call him Simon in my head anyways.

‘Okay. Simon.’

His smile is glorious.

‘Close the books, Baz,’ he whispers hoarsely. How can a whisper sound hoarse?

I swallow loudly, carefully dropping the books to the floor. The moment I sit upright again, Simon is on top of me, straddling me and pressing his lips against mine desperately.

The way we were sitting  is a lot like yesterday, but everything somehow feels different when you’re on a boyfriends, or on a bed.

He does this nice thing with his jaw, moving it as he presses into me, his hands on either side of my face.

I try to match his movements, eventually turning us around so I’m hovering above him, revelling in his surprised gasp and moving to trail kisses down his chest.

He lets out a low growl and I can’t help but grin. He pulls me up again, tracing my lips with his tongue before smashing our mouths together.

Somehow, Simon manages to unbutton my shirt without me noticing. It’s only when the thing falls to the ground and I feel his hands run up and down my bare back that I realise what is happening. He pulls me closer and it feels _so good._

But this is Simon Snow. The love of my life. I don’t want to ruin things between us by moving too fast. I won’t make a mistake like that. Not with him.

So I pull back slightly, rolling off of him so I’m lying next to him.

He turns onto his side to look at me with big, uncertain eyes, so I try to smile reassuringly, leaning forwards to peck him on the lips once quickly.

‘Maybe we shouldn’t move too fast? I want to savour this,’ I whisper, my mouth close to his ear.

He shivers, nodding frantically when I pull back to look at him.

‘Yeah… yeah. You’re probably right.’  He nods again, this time to himself, before starting to get up.

I try to let him go, but I’m weak, so I reach out to catch his arm.

‘Just because we’re not… doing _that_ , doesn’t mean you have to leave.’

I send him a careful smile, which he answers with a big grin, laying his head next to mine on my pillow and draping his arm around me.

He scoots closer, nuzzling into me so his skin is warming me everywhere.

I’ve never fallen asleep faster.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think! there'll be probably one more chapter of fluff before the angst starts, so be prepared .  
> also as usual, this is written at 1 am without a beta and English isn't my first language so let me know if i made any mistakes.


	7. the downfall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oof i'm sorry this took me so long to update (i accidentally updated the last chapter twice, thanks to the person who pointed that out to me so i could delete it) i started school again, and i made some last minute changes so I ended up in my senior year instead of repeating a year, which means i have three months to write my final paper, so i can't promise a lot of quality posts, but i'll try. enjoy xx

Simon

Waking up next to Baz, our noses so close they’d touch if I’d lean forwards just an inch, is one of the most amazing experiences of my life. 

I stare at the soft expression on his sleeping face. He looks so peaceful, which is the biggest cliché but it’s true. His hair is falling into his eyes, so I reach out to carefully brush it behind his ear. 

In response, his arms tighten around me, indicating he’s awake. 

‘Good morning,’ I allow myself to smirk when he groans. 

‘Too early,’ He mumbles, turning around in bed. I hook my chin onto his shoulder, stroking my hand up and down his side and revelling in the goose bumps that rise on the side of his neck. 

‘Come on, we gotta get some breakfast. 

He protests some more, but meanwhile he’s throwing the blankets back, so it’s probably more for show anyways. 

While Baz gets into the shower, I grab my school uniform, but it’s Saturday and I don’t really feel like wearing a button up. One of Baz’s posh jumpers is hanging over his chair, and I feel a wicked grin tucking on the corners of my mouth as I walk over to it, pulling it over my head after a moment of contemplation. 

When Baz emerges from our en suite, he raises an eyebrow at me in his clothes. For a moment I think he’s going to mock me, but then a small smile appears on his face, barely there. 

‘You look good, Simon.’ 

I feel myself beaming at him, but I can’t be bothered to get my expression in check. I walk towards Baz, pecking his lips once quickly before threading our fingers together and pulling him towards the dining hall. It’s still early, so most tables are empty. I lead him towards the same table we sat at yesterday. 

‘This is becoming a habit, isn’t it, Snow?’ 

‘Simon,’ I correct him mindlessly. ‘And yeah, I guess. Don’t hear you complaining though.’ 

‘I’m not,’ he says, squeezing my hand to emphasize his words. ‘Just saying.’

He is silent for a moment, before adding, ‘Doesn’t Bunce question why you’re not sitting with her, though?’ 

I feel myself grimace without meaning to. ‘I thinks she’s put it together by now. She’s smart.’ It came out more defensive than I intended.

‘I never said she wasn’t. I’m just saying that maybe you should talk to her.’ He has this soft expression on his face, almost… caring? I must have been staring too long though, because he frowns at me and shrugs. ‘Or don’t. it’s your friendship.’ 

‘No, I won’t. I mean I will. I mean you’re right. I want to talk to her, but I don’t know how to tell her. You gotta admit, this is kind of out of the blue, I don’t know how to just… spring it on her.’ 

‘you just said she’s definitely figured it out by now.’ 

‘I know she has, it’s just… different when I say it to her out loud. I mean, there is nothing wrong with this of course, the opposite actually, this is one of the best things right now, I just mean that I don’t…’ I’m blabbering, but thankfully Baz cuts me off before I can embarrass myself any further. 

‘You don’t know what to say to her.’ 

I just shrug. ‘I guess. I did kind of ditch her.’

He smiles sympathetically. ‘That was only for a few days Simon. Bunce is a good person. If you explain the situation to her, I’m sure she’ll understand. The longer you wait however, the more it might offend her. She’s your best friend, she’ll be hurt if she thinks you feel like you can’t talk to her about this.’ 

I frown suspiciously at him. ‘Thanks, that was… surprisingly helpful.’ 

Baz raises an eyebrow at my expression. ‘You look like you’re about to accuse me of plotting.’ His tone is snappy, but his thumb is gentle as he smooths the lines from between my eyebrows. 

‘I’m not, I… Thanks again, I’ll talk to her at dinner.’ 

We’re silent for the rest of breakfast as I need my mouth to eat, and Baz has expressed more than once that he thinks it’s disgusting when I talk while chewing. 

When we return to our room, I take Baz’s jumper over my head again as he gracefully drops himself onto my bed. I throw it in the general direction of his head with a childish laugh before making my way to the bathroom, turning on the shower and taking off the rest of my clothes before getting under the warm stream. 

I close my eyes, thinking back to waking up next to Baz this morning, or to last night…

turning the heat of the shower down, I stay under for a few more minutes after washing my hair, before getting dressed. When I walk into the room, still towelling my hair, Baz is still sitting on my bed. he’s frowning down at a paper on his lap. Our eyes meet when he looks up, and a hurt look flashes over his features before he stands up abruptly. 

‘Baz, what…?’ I don’t get to finish my question before he stands up and stalks out of the door, slamming the door loudly. 

I pick up the paper that has since fallen on the ground, immediately recognizing my own scribbly handwriting. 

My revenge plans.

Fuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please let me know what you thought of this! thanks for reading!


	8. everything falls apart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Baz mulls over Simon's betrayal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey, guess who's avoiding school stress by ignoring all the upcoming tests, exams, papers essays and college applications? it's ya girl.   
> anyways here is a rough 700 words chapter of Baz being angsty and sad. i may or may not have used this to reflect some personal feelings, oh well.   
> anyways, i hope you enjoy! xx
> 
> ps this is written around midnight and i wanted to post it rather than proofread it again, so sorry if this sucks :^)

**Baz**

I knew it was too good to be true. I feel so stupid for believing, even for a second, that someone like him could be into me.

 

That _he_ could be into me.

 

I did though, and now I have to pay the price. For eight fucking years I’ve been in love with the wanker, and now he pulls something like this?  Maybe I need to revaluate my choices.

 

I want to hate Snow, but mostly I’m mad at myself for letting my guard down.

 

I’ve made my way down to the catacombs without even noticing, until I drop heavily on the ground in the tomb where my mother’s buried.

 

Down here, with no one to judge me except the rats, I let the tears fall freely down my face. I keep telling myself I’ll get myself together in just a few more seconds, just a few more sobs, more tears, more pain.

 

This shouldn’t be how it works, right?  The pain keeps getting worse, my heart and lungs and stomach are squeezed tightly and I can’t breathe and it _hurts._

I guess Snow’s plan worked, though, because now I have the fresh reminder of how it feels to lose someone you care about.

 

I know this doesn’t come even remotely close to losing my mother, and I refuse to compare the pains. This is so, so, so different. Mum might hate me now because of what I am, but she died loving me.

 

Snow made the conscious decision to get close to me, just so he could hurt me.

 

Well, not anymore.

 

I feel a bitter sort of triumph at being right all along. At knowing no one can be trusted, that Simon bloody Snow would kill me as soon as he got the chance. I just thought he’d drive a stake through my heart, rather than crushing it with his bare hands.  

 

I wipe at my damp cheeks and find there are no more tears left inside of me. Instead, I lean my head back against the wall, staring blankly into the tomb.

 

I should probably come up with a plan. I mean, it’s obvious that Snow and I are through, but I still have to share a room with the imbecile, so I have to find a way to avoid him.

 

I try to move around his betrayal in my head as I come up with a plan. I can sleep here some nights, and Dev and Niall will probably let me crash in their room if I ask. They might not even question it, though I suppose I can’t expect them not to know, given the fact that Snow and I have been the talk of the school since we were seen together. Additionally, I have avoided our usual table for the last few days, which will probably also be something I’ll have to explain.

 

Maybe I should just tell them. I doubt they’ll be harsh about it, and maybe I do need friends right now.

 

Or maybe I don’t, because apparently you can’t trust anyone.

 

I’ll figure out my sleeping arrangements as I go, at least until Christmas break, which starts next week. Then I’ll have plenty of time to figure out a more comfortable, permanent change, at least for the rest of the year. After that, I’ll go to university in London, or maybe Cambridge, and I can forget any of this ever happened.

 

I can meet someone new, someone who will look past my cold exterior and actually care. Someone who won’t just toy with my feelings for revenge. Someone with plain blue eyes, bronze curls, and constellations of freckles and moles on his cheeks and shoulders, and-

 

No. I need someone who is the complete opposite of Snow. No, scratch that also, I don’t need anyone.

 

Suddenly the idea of university seems rather appealing, being far away from Snow and anything that reminds me of him.

 

I just have to get away.

 

For a few more moments, I fantasize about my years after Watford, about all the boys I will meet and all the hearts I will break. Just like Simon broke mine.

 

Snow. Not Simon. Simon was for when I thought he cared. Now that I know he doesn’t there is now use in the tenderness of using his first name. I’d prefer to call him _nothing_.

 

Even though it’s the middle of the day, I feel tired and drained of all the mulling I did. I fall asleep on the cold stone floor of the catacombs, with dry eyes and an empty heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey! please let me know what you thought of this chapter!   
> thanks for reading <3


	9. falling apart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon goes after Baz to try and talk to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's literally been so long since i updated this. i had so much stress for school, but i finally had some time to write.   
> as usual, this is written and updated at 0.30 am, so please bare with me.   
> i'm going to try to keep updating this series, since there won't be that many chapters after this one (still not exactly sure how many there will be, but i have a clearer idea of the end)  
> Also, i finished Wayward Son a little while back, so I really want to write some fluff about the boys, because i need to heal.   
> anyways, i hope you enjoy this! xx

**Simon**

This is a huge mess up, even for me. I should’ve thrown those papers out, burned them. I should’ve known Baz would find them, that I would find a way to ruin this.

I have to fix this. But to do that, I need to find Baz first.

I stumble around the school ground, tripping over my feet in my hurry to get from place to place, checking the wavering woods, the football pitch, the library.

After searching through most of his favourite spots, I know the only probable place for him to be hiding would be the catacombs.

I feel a nervous tug in my stomach when I make my way towards the chapel, feeling as though I’m walking into the lion’s den. There is know way of knowing how Baz will react when he sees me.

He will probably refuse to talk to me, but maybe he’ll take this opportunity to end me. Maybe he is plotting right now, just waiting for me to walk into his trap…

No. I really need to stop thinking like this. I can’t make him the villain of this situation. I did this.

In all these years, all those times Baz tried to kill me, I don’t think he’s ever _really_ hurt me, not like I know I’ve hurt him. Maybe I’m the real antagonist of this story.

There are too many maybes in my head. It makes me twitchy.

The catacombs themselves are dark, the only light coming from my flashlight. How does Baz always finds his way down here seamlessly?

I must’ve been tripping around the long tunnels for at least fifteen minutes when the passageway finally opens up to a round chamber, or maybe a tomb.

Baz is lying on the ground next to the wall, not looking up when I walk in. my first instinct is to rush over to him, but before I can frantically shake him, I hear his even breathing, and realisation hits me. he’s asleep.

Upon closer inspection, I see his eyes are puffy and red rimmed, his cheeks streaked with dried tears. If he knew I saw him like this, he would probably die of embarrassment.

After a few moments of quiet contemplation, I move to the opposite side of the room, sitting down with my back against the wall and my knees pulled up to my chest, watching Baz sleep.

I know it’s probably really creepy, but I don’t want to wake him up right now, and if me explaining things to him doesn’t help, this might be the last time I’ll get to see Baz like this.

Unguarded.

Studying his profile, I force myself to remember every little detail of his face. I realize it would probably be smarter if I used these silent moments trying to figure out what I’m going to say, but I figure I will only trip over my words if I rehearse something now. I need to let my heart speak, in to moment, even though that scares the hell out of me.

Every time Baz stirs I feel a sharp pang in my chest. I can’t lose him. I really can’t

Maybe it would be better if I’d just wake him up, but I can’t bring myself to disturb the peaceful look on his face.

Leaning my head back against the wall, I close my eyes, dragging a hand over my face.

Baz was right all along. I really am thick, leaving those idiot papers around the room.

When Baz stirs next, he actually lifts his head, but as soon as he sees me, he freezes.

For a moment, he looks like a deer caught in headlights, before straightening his back so he’s leaning back against the wall in a relaxed and deliberate pose.

‘Snow,’ he sneers, ‘what the hell are you doing here.’

‘I-uhm, I wanted to tell you, that, the papers-,’ I start, but he cuts me off before I get the chance to say anything else.

‘First of all, let me point out that your eloquence is as magnificent as ever.’

Should’ve gone with planning something, then.

‘Secondly, there is no need to explain. You were messing around, I was experimenting, there is really no harm done.’

‘No, Baz, that’s not… Wait. Experimenting?’ that wasn’t true, right?

‘Well, yeah, of course. Not that many options for me around here, are there? Being involved with my roommate was just bloody convenient for a while. I’m over it now though.’ He says it smugly, with an arrogant expression on his face. It feels like ages since I last saw this side of Baz.

‘What? But you said-,’ Before I can finish my sentence, he cuts me off, again.

‘So did you. I understand you are upset your little revenge plan didn’t work, but I really couldn’t care less.’ His eyes are so hard, I can’t take it.

I want to shake him, make him admit how much this bothers him, but before I can do anything, he is walking away from me, disappearing deeper into the catacombs, leaving me behind dumbfounded.

My mind is replaying what he said. _I’m over it now._ I try to focus on the fact that I saw the evidence that he had cried before he fell asleep, but it was hard to convince myself I hadn’t imagined the way his face looked.

Maybe I shouldn’t have come down here. I’m trying to figure out if he was telling the truth, or if he was lying to protect himself. But I couldn’t get that one sentence out of my head.

 _I’m over it now._   

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyy, please let me know what you thought of this!  
> xxx


	10. And it hurts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey hey, remember when i said i would probably upload the next part(s) really quickly, over a month ago?  
> well, that didn't happen.  
> Here's chapter 10 (finally). After this there will be one more chapter, and then this series will be done!   
> I'm done with most of my big school projects for 2019, so the next chapter won't be as late as this one.   
> Enjoy! xx

**Baz**

I shouldn’t have said that. Not because it might have hurt Simon (no, _Snow_ ), but because now I can’t find another place to sleep. If I stayed in Dev’s room until the break, even someone as thick as Snow would figure out he hurt me.

So now I have to spend the next week in a small room with my ex-boyfriend who only dated me to get his revenge on me for breaking him and his ex-girlfriend up, who thinks I couldn’t care less about our relationship.

There is no way this is going to be okay.

I make my way to our room after I leave the catacombs, taking a small satisfaction in the dumbfounded look on his face when I said I didn’t care.

I try not to think about the fact he only cares because his plan failed.

As soon as I enter our room, I realised this was a mistake. Because I see our beds, and all I can think about is waking up next to him and kissing him and it hurts so much.

I briefly wonder how I got so roped in after only a few days of dating, but honestly, I was always destined to crash and burn, for he is the sun, and I am just the fool who was stupid enough to get too close.

He was always destined to kill me, I just never thought it would be like this.

Collapsing onto my bed, I tug my shirt over my head, wriggling out of my pants before pulling the covers up to my chin. I don’t even have the energy to grab my silk pyjamas, neatly folded in my closet.

Instead, I turn to the wall, trying to avoid the memories lurking in the room.

I guess crying really is exhausting, because I fall asleep within minutes.

**Simon**

I stay in the catacombs for longer than probably necessary, but I figure I should give Baz some space to cool off, so maybe we can have a real talk later tonight, or maybe tomorrow morning.

When I finally do leave, I make a detour to walk along the pitch, imagining Baz on the field.

Strong. Graceful. Fucking ruthless.

After the walk I get at Murmur’s house, taking the steps slowly to avoid facing Baz a little longer. I want to talk to him, really make him listen this time, but I don’t know how.

I open the door, and almost turn around right then and there. Because Baz is sleeping in his bed, lying on his back with the covers pulled around his waist.

Suddenly I’m glad he always wears pyjamas, because otherwise I’d have probably jumped him a long time ago.

My mouth is dry and it’s painful to remember this was mine, that I was just too careless to preserve it, that I didn’t appreciate this enough when I had the chance.

But no, I can’t think like that. I’ll talk to him, I’ll explain.

I will get him back.

I will make this right.

But right now, he just looks so peaceful. This is different that how he was sleeping in the catacombs, no puffy eyes and no tears streaking his cheeks. He looks so tired. So I grab my pillow from my bed, and softly close the door behind me, making my way back to the catacombs to spend the night there.

***

The next day is not better by any means. I see Baz at breakfast, but as soon as our eyes meet, he turns his back to me, pretending to be deep in conversation with Dev and Niall.

I never thought I’d ever be jealous of those two tossers.

After standing there dejectedly for a few moments, I take a seat next to Penny, my plate next to empty.

She glances from the plate to me a few times, paying extra attention to the bags under my eyes, but I just shoot her a sharp look, warning her not to bring it up now.

She just raises her eyebrows at me, as if to say _fine, but you’re telling me later._

I muster a small, grateful smile, turning to the food in front of me to avoid her worried gaze.

Baz keeps ignoring me throughout all our classes. It’s worse than before we started hanging out. Back then, he would turn back to sneer at me from time to time, or even talk to me, even if it was just to make me go off.

Now, he doesn’t even spare me a glance.

I don’t feel as confident that I can fix this as I did yesterday. How am I going to get him to talk to me when he _won’t even look at me._

Penny has to talk me down from almost going off multiple times, and by the end of the day I smell like fire and my clothes are smoking.

When I finally return to our room, Baz isn’t there. Of course he isn’t.

I try to busy myself with homework, but I really can’t concentrate with this ache in my chest, and I’m just really, really tired, so I close my books and stand in the middle of the room for a couple of minutes, contemplating.

I want to take a quick nap, but I know my pillow will just smell like a campfire, like my hair, like my clothes.

I spare a small glance at Baz’s bed, considering my options.

He would probably kill me if he found me sleeping in his bed, especially after yesterday, but I could crawl under the covers and I would be enveloped entirely by _his smell_ , like cider and bergamot.

It’s not really a choice really. I would gladly face Baz’s wrath if it means pretending for a little while that everything is still alright, that we still have a chance.

So I let myself get into his bed quietly, like somehow he’ll hear me if I’m too loud.

I keep my shirt on, because I figure it would enrage Baz even more if I’m in his bed _half naked._

I drag the covers up, wiggling around a little to get comfortable before closing my eyes.

I’ve never fallen asleep faster.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey, please let me know what you thought of this chapter!  
> Hope you liked it~


	11. mending the broken

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter! i'm actually really glad i finished this, because i have some really exciting WIP's on my computer, and i can't wait to finish those up! Anyways i hope you enjoyed this story. the last chapter is a little bit rushed, because i'm kind of done with this story, but i didn't want to leave it unfinished. i lost my notes on how i wanted this to end, so it is kind of improvised, but it's still kind of along the lines i wanted it to go. i hope you enjoy!  
> xxx

**Baz**

Simon fucking Snow is asleep in my bed. I don’t know which god I angered to have ended up in this situation, but here we are.

I’m sure as hell not going to stay.

However, as soon as I turn to stalk out of the room, a gust of wind comes from the open window, slamming the door shut with a loud bang.

Snow immediately jolts upright in my bed, blinking owlishly around the room before his eyes settle on me.

Then he stares. He just keeps looking at me, blinking slowly, like he’s still half asleep. Like this is a pleasant dream.

I can’t take the way he looks at me, so bloody _happy_ , like I’ve made his day simply by being in the same room as him

So I turn back around, ready to leave again, when his hand wraps around my wrist. I hadn’t noticed how close to my bed I was, but the room really is pretty small, so it doesn’t take that much effort for Snow to reach out for me.

I consider my options, briefly entertaining the thought of ripping my arm from his grip and leaving him here alone.

However, that would probably only make me look hurt, or weak, and I can’t have him think I’m either.

So I look at him- no, I sneer at him-  raising an eyebrow.

‘What are you doing in my bed, Snow.’ I hiss, and my tone is so cruel it makes him flinch, and for a millisecond I feel guilty, and I want to reach for him, but then I remember what he did to me.

How he played me, like my feelings meant nothing, like _I_ meant nothing. Never again.

He doesn’t answer, looking down at his lap instead, a pretty blush colouring his cheekbones.

‘Seriously, Snow, what do you want? If you’re not going to say anything, then at least let me go and get the fuck out of my bed.’

He is quiet for another second, then: ‘I want to talk to you.’ He says it softly, voice so fragile, like he thinks I’m going to make fun of him.

Which is exactly what I ought to be doing, but he’s looking up at me through his eyelashes, head tilted forwards so most of his expression is a mystery to me.

I’ve made it my life’s mission to irritate Simon Snow. I’ve nagged him to the edge of going off, over that edge, I’ve made him furious, I’ve been the reason of his pointless fuming. I’ve pushed him to tears.

But never in my life have I been the reason that he looks this lost.

So I sigh heavily, yanking my wrist free, but dropping down on the floor next to my bed nonetheless.

‘Okay, fine. Talk.’

He looks down at me with wide eyes, like he can’t believe I didn’t spit in his face. To be honest, I myself can’t believe that either.

‘Okay, yeah. Okay. So look. I know I fucked up. Bad. But I didn’t mean any of it. No, that’s not right. I mean, when Agatha and I broke up, I wasn’t thinking straight. I blamed you, because I didn’t know how else to cope with the fact that the only thing I had to look forward to after defeating the Humdrum, was gone because I wasn’t good enough.

‘it was easier to blame you. It made sense, because you always tried to make me miserable, and what better way than to take away my happy ending?’

‘So you decided to toy with me because you couldn’t accept your own incompetence?’ I ask incredulously. I’ve decided I will give this conversation an honest chance, even if it means exposing some of my feelings.

‘No, it’s not like that. Well, it was at first. I wanted you to know how it felt. So I thought, if we became friends, you would know how it feels if I would betray you. Maybe then you would think twice before ruining my life.’

I open my mouth to say something, but he continues in his monologue before I have the chance.

‘So I decided to give that plan a go. Only you turned out to be pretty nice, at least to your standards. And then you told me you had nothing to do with Agatha breaking up with me, because you weren’t even remotely interested in her. By then I had already kind of figured out I was attracted to me, but when I kissed you, and you kissed me back, I knew for sure.

‘Baz, what I felt when we kissed, wasn’t something I’ve ever experienced when I was together with Agatha.

‘And I know I fucked up. Believe me, I know. I should have told you from the moment we started dating so there wouldn’t be any secrets between us, but we were still so new, and I didn’t want to ruin things by telling you about my stupid, petty revenge plans.’

This is the most I’ve ever heard him say in a row, in all the years I’ve known him. His entire face is flushed red, and his blue eyes are blinking down at me earnestly, and he is so, so sincere, I don’t think I know how not to forgive him.

Then he says, ‘Baz. We really haven’t been together long enough for me to say that I love you. But I really, really like you, and I know this can grow into something really great, if you will just give me one more chance. I promise I will never do anything if I know it will hurt you. Please, just give us one more chance.’

And how can I deny him, the boy who I’ve been in love with since I’ve known what being in love means, when he’s just poured his entire heart out in front of me, letting me decide whether or not I want to break him.

So I sit up on my knees slowly, facing the bed, facing _him,_ and I grab the back of his neck.

There is a small flash of fear in his eyes, and I know it’s because of the intense look I’m wearing, but I don’t let it stop me as I yank him forwards roughly, pushing my lips against his.

He lets out a surprised yelp, before closing his eyes and melting into the kiss, his arms coming up to my shoulders.

I think about what he just said, and can’t help but smile.

This really does have the potential to be great.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was all, thank you so much for reading! let me know what you think of this, and i promise (maybe) that my next fic will be less rushed.   
> i hope you liked the story!

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, how bad was this? By the way, here is my tumblr if any of you want to request anything or just talk to me xD
> 
> https://www.tumblr.com/blog/fallinginlovehurtslikehell


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